Pity and reassure close. If the patient turns to the therapist for this, he will have to disappoint him. Why the therapist should not console and why then go to him at all, if so?
When it comes to what psychotherapy is, I often hear from patients and psychologists: “treatment and comfort”. And it’s true – if the patient does not receive them from me, then why is I at all, and maybe it is better to spend money on delicaciousots and fun, providing a matter of time that will console? Moreover, many comfort in life, but units can console, if they are at all, so why not a therapist to console, wasn’t he taught this?
Starting to work, I, like almost all beginners, did so. It took years to begin to seriously think about why, for what I console and what it turns out from this.
The most frequent associations with the word “comfort” – mother, grandmother, loved one. The most common language of consolation is words like “You are my little, poor” and embrace-sticus: pity and affection. But this is that a person allows loved ones and that only in their performance and comforts. As if you dissolve in a person, dissolve it in yourself, merge with him.
Can I, in the framework of my work, rely on such proximity and whether it will be accepted by the patient? Can I tell him such words and embrace, put it without risk to get a bunch of troubles?
It was worth a lot of work to realize that I console because I feel uncomfortable, meeting with the mental pain of the patient, and in order to get rid of this discomfort. That is, I help him – a big question, but I definitely help myself. I work unintentionally primarily for myself, defending myself from an unconscious fear that is launched by what is happening with the patient – and suddenly with me is the same?
The position of a strong
, knowledgeable, guardianship helps to defend itself. She muffles fear – at least in a walking therapeutic session, but with other patients he will declare himself again and again. It is like a valerian, which you swallow almost glasses, without treating your heart.
For the patient, this can serve as the support of his children’s position and an unconscious desire to maintain his symptoms in order to reaction of a caring parent again and again, sitting on psychotherapy as a kind of drug.
From this position, I speak with the patient not in the language of experience, but in the language of reason. Quotes from philosophers, Socrates of Socrates on the conduct of dialogue, information about the game of biochemistry in the brain, etc. will come to the rescue.D. and t.P. But most likely the therapeutic dialogue does not work: as the poet said. Radkovsky: “From the side our language is the same, but we speak different languages”. It turns out a monologue of a knowledgeable teacher who does not know the student. It disconnects, not unites.
A woman in group therapy works with the problem of aggressiveness and suddenly begins to sob, almost shouting: “You do not know what it is when your own father raises you and you feel bad, dirty, guilty, not so rejected by everyone” all your life.
Her sobs are becoming stronger, and someone from the group sitting behind her gets up and goes to her with the obvious intention to hug and console her. I stop my hand with a gesture. The patient continues to sob, so that the soul is torn. The complete impression that she first said about it.